Under Pressure

I cooked dinner for my mother in law, my partner and his grandma tonight. Turned out well, but my god. The fucking pressure. Pressure to make sure it is perfect. Don’t get me wrong, I am on the opposite end on the spectrum from being perfect but that didn’t stop me from feeling nervous, anxious, scared and fear that it wasn’t up to standard. By standard I’m not saying my mother in law is one of those horrible uppity proper sorts. She is a one of a kind lady who holds a close spot in my heart – closer than my own mother. There is no bar to be met with her on standards at all actually. I set the standards myself to be the best daughter in law to her and care and love her son the way I do. I would love for her to know how well I will and do look after her son. I don’t want to disappoint her or his grandma. I want them to ‘want’ to come back for more visits. I want them to love me. As I sit and stir over today, I realise how much I let my Anxiety control me. I don’t mean to be so weak to my emotions. All I can do is try. And I tried.



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