I regret waking up today. The second my eyes opened I knew I was in for a shit storm. No matter how hard I try, I still can’t shake these thoughts or the way I let them effect me. I am physically exhausted from feeling like complete shit. It’s like my mind is my worst enemy and I have little faith that my days are going to start feeling better anytime soon. My mind has so much power over me. I made a habit out of pushing my emotions to the side and ignoring my problems.
I have had to take some personal leave at work. I felt myself getting worse and worse with my depression but the Anxiety hit me out of nowhere. I still can’t control my emotions and even the slightest things trigger panic attacks. I am still learning how to cope with anxiety because I feel defeated from it, weak.
In the moment, I can’t control my breathing and I feel like I’m going to die. I really need some warning signs that flash to let people know to be alert around me. My partner, the poor guy. He literally walks on eggshells around me. I feel crazy from the little things that can set me off and from the way I act. I’ll cry for no reason at all, which is confusing and frustrating to my fiancé. He really does deserve better than me.
It would be great if I could wake up from this nightmare now. I haven’t slept a decent sleep in over a week and my appetite is way off which has made me into a cranky ogre that will snap anyone’s neck.
I know how I feel is completely normal, but it isn’t normal. I shouldn’t feel this way and I don’t want to. If only it was as simple as snapping out of it.