An alcoholic’s child

My parent’s split when I was 4 and my sister being 12 at the time got to choose where she wanted to live. Either mums or dads.
It’s a hard decision for a child, no matter what age to choose between their parents. She was smart, and without hesitation she chose dad.
She endured enough stress in her 12 years from our abusive alcoholic mother to know better. She always was babysitting me, practically raising her little sister while dad and mum were at the club or pub until ungodly hours of the morning. My mum would demand dad’s paycheck each week and would spend it carelessly on alcohol, not the mortgage payments or the bills. I don’t remember much being only 4. I don’t have any recollection of my parents ever being a couple, or all 4 of us as a family.
Eventually, dad went bankrupt.

No mortgage payments = no home.

Alcohol is what ruined our family.
My mother would never actually admit this, and still to this day she aims to be pissed my lunchtime.
I do not have nor do I want a relationship with her at all and some may think that I have no respect for her and that she gave birth to me and all that rubbish. But nothing can erase my childhood or the way she bullied me into my teen years.
Dinner wasn’t on the table at 6 in our house. No, it would be 10 pm, a school night and on the last bus home for the night with a mum who would yell, scream and grab me for absolutely no reason.
I got dragged around to clubs with my backpack full of necessities such as colouring books and reading material to keep me occupied while my mum got drunken strangers to watch me in the kid area while she played the pokies. At home, I would cop “You little cow” and “go to hell.” – not very motherly.
I made the decision to move in with my older sister and dad when I was about 14 and little did I know I’d be quick to learn the term ‘mother like daughter’.
She was someone I looked up to and knew the kind of ordeal I had endured growing up but that didn’t stop her from becoming obsessed with her own addictions and place me in the spot as babysitter for her kids. I just wanted to escape.
My teenage years were spent raising these babies who I cared for as my own all the while dealing with my sister who turned from being that role model into just as manipulating and abusing as our mother.
My dad, still bankrupt was no longer under control of our mother but now under the reins of my sister. She would demand his money every week to supply her addiction while limiting him to 1 beer per day.
1 beer!
Because a hard working man who has done nothing but provided for his family all his life doesn’t deserve to wind down after a day at work and sink a few cold ones.
He could, but only the 1.
There was no point in arguing with her because the narcissistic attitude would hit you like a brick in the face. She was Blair Waldorf bitch.
I don’t understand how she so easily jumped into the same patterns as neglecting her children and controlling others. It has caused massive family drama as you can imagine and believe it or not, shit only got worse with her and how she chose to deal with the pain and suffering she experienced as a child.
I definitely understand what makes and breaks a family and I know how much work it really takes if you want a happily functioning home.
I have no aim in becoming my mother or sister in this lifetime or the next but I do aim In being a good mum and a committed soul mate.

XOXO DaiseyDropper